letters to a dopamine menu

because every day can be a special occasion

I got this idea from a substack I subscribe to, the Weekly Scrapbook. JC wrote an article called offline diaries: what is a dopamine menu? They mentioned that they were inspired by this piece by elma t. who introduced their article by saying they were inspired by a post by aurora blythe on dopamine menus, who got the idea from a TikTok trend.

offline diaries: what is a dopamine menu?

All of which is to say, this was a trend in the fall of 2024, and it seems like the perfect time to bring it back. I have personally been struggling with my mental health, and with the recent events in the US, that struggle has intensified.

At the beginning of 2024, I was doing EMDR for CSA, which I had never worked through, and, because my therapist was not a skilled practitioner, I was having the exact opposite experience of all the people who swore by EMDR (I have since started EMDR with my incredibly talented therapist, and I see why people sing its praises - it's been phenomenal). I was getting more and more re-traumatized, and it would take me about 4 days to recover from a single session.

Romanticizing my life gave me the strength not just to live my life and push through, but I started to love my life again... or maybe for the first real, authentic time ever. I had been in therapy for ten years at that point, and I was no stranger to mindfulness and self-soothing, CBT exercises, and all that. Yet, it was barely keeping me afloat.

The first time I heard of this was in a TikTok video (social media isn't all bad, it's just about balance) I found that had a video giving an itinerary for a mundane Saturday by Karley Fiebig. It was all simple, everyday things, but the way she described it made it sound so beautiful. It sounded so intentional. I started to devour her videos, and she had a playlist of all the different itinerary videos she made. I would scroll through to try and find one that matched the day I was going to have.

a small selection of romanticized moments from 2024 all taken on the huji app

I learned more about mindfulness and intentionality than I did in ten years of therapy - which isn't to say you should abandon therapy and scroll on your phone, of course. But this framing of mindfulness as something to bring you joy, and not just about noticing how much you're struggling, made me start to appreciate the little things.

I started to think about my younger self and all the parts of my life that she would be in awe of. I grew up in a very isolated and controlled environment, and even though taking my dogs on a walk every day is tiresome, I would have been thrilled to be able to take a walk by myself when I was young. I also would have been so amazed by the idea of walking through a neighborhood and being within walking distance of a park. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, and there were no neighborhoods where I was raised.

I wasn't allowed to learn how to drive when I was a teenager, so the thought to teenage Sam that I have the ability to just leave the house whenever I feel like it, even if it's going to the grocery store or post office for mundane errands, would be so exciting. Cleaning my house stopped being something I dreaded with every ounce of my being when I thought about the little girl who couldn't conceptualize ever getting old enough to leave. I have my own couch that I can relax on without worrying about what's going to happen next. I have my own sheets that I can wash and put on the bed.

I am so lucky to do the things I don't always want to do.

Not only this, but I have the power to make those things even sweeter. I have the power to sprinkle joy in every moment.

Karley's videos helped me learn that every day can and should be treated like a special occasion.

Here is an actual snapshot from an itinerary for a day off that ended in a going-away party. I didn't always make collages for my itineraries, but for this one I did.

this was for my friend shyanne, who has her own substack, @forthemarigolds

So, dopamine menus.

Essentially, it's a list of things you can pull from that help lift your mood. There are a few different parts of the menu, according to all the lovely authors listed above, but I am mostly referring to JC's post.

1. Appetizers: routine-based, small things, productive, low effort

2. Main Course: bigger activities, more time-consuming

3. Sides: supplements for other activities or tasks

4. Desserts: little, simple rewards

5. Specials: more expensive, less feasible, require planning - things that are truly special occasions in the traditional sense

My dopamine menu!

Here is what I have crafted for my menu:

Appetizers

• make the bed

• drink water or make tea

• wash my face or change my clothes

• scroll pinterest

• putting my phone away

• playing a happy song

• pet my dogs

• quick lil snack

• tidy up or do a quick vacuum

• read a substack post

• do the wordle of the day

Main Course

• take a walk

• see a friend - or call

• watch a show or movie

• write

• go for a drive

• making a pinterest board or collage

• do a craft or do some art

• youtube learning

• Read

• make/eat a meal or bake

• practice pole and/or burlesque

Sides

• a playlist

• putting on a cozy/aesthetic background youtube video

• lighting a candle

• a blanket / cozy clothes

• a lil beverage

• putting on a podcast

Desserts

• A SWEET TREAT!!!

• going to a coffee shop

• sleeping in

• taking a bath

• putting on lotion and/or perfume

Specials

• a deep clean

• eating out

• a concert

• clothes shopping

• getting nails or hair done

• taking a trip

• doing a big project

• going to the bookstore

• gift giving

• getting glam / dressed up

• an event or party

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