letters to offline living

turns out there is more to life than a small screen.

I know, I know, another Substacker sending you a newsletter to your email that you’re probably checking on your phone, telling you to get off your phone. How original.

It seems like there is a resurgence of people talking about the slow life: book content creators are setting goals to read fewer books this year, so they don’t rush through their books, content about romanticizing your everyday life is more popular than ever, nostalgia for the time before everyone was glued to their phones is rising, and countless writers on Substack are telling you about the magic of deleting social media.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you to delete social media, but I will give you some ideas on how to spend less time on your phone, and ways you can make the transition to being a little more unplugged a little more fun.

me, reducing my screen time from 6 hours to 5 hours a day

A 5,000-person study found that higher social media use correlated with self-reported declines in mental and physical health and life satisfaction. - American Journal of Epidemiology, 2017, cited by The Social Dilemma’s website

A little bit of a jump scare:

• If you're 25 years old and spend 4 hours a day on your phone, you'll end up spending 9.2 years of the rest of your life looking at your phone.

• If you're 25 years old and spend 6 hours a day on your phone, you'll end up spending 13.8 years of the rest of your life looking at your phone.

• If you're 25 years old and spend 8 hours a day on your phone, you'll end up spending 18.3 years of the rest of your life looking at your phone.

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• If you're 30 years old and spend 4 hours a day on your phone, you'll end up spending 8.6 years of the rest of your life looking at your phone.

• If you're 30 years old and spend 6 hours a day on your phone, you'll end up spending 12.9 years of the rest of your life looking at your phone.

• If you're 30 years old and spend 8 hours a day on your phone, you'll end up spending 17.2 years of the rest of your life looking at your phone.

It’s scary to think that the majority of us will spend a DECADE of the rest of our lives looking down at a screen! Of course, sometimes screen time is watching a YouTube video passively as you make dinner, or responding to texts intermittently while working, so it isn’t like we always spend a 4-hour block of time on our phones a day, but still. That’s a lot of time.

Mary Oliver: Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

Us: Spend at least a decade of it looking at my phone!

an exercise:

Ugh, I know, but please, do this, now or later. Write down your ideal life. Who do you want to be? What hobbies or activities do you want to do? Then, what is your ideal day?

Is spending 6 hours on your phone part of that?

Your list of books, TV shows, and films you want to consume, or the events, hobbies, and projects you want to do, or classes you want to take are probably being sacrificed for what? Scrolling on an app where you’ll retain hardly any information?

we aren’t supposed to be so easily accessible

There was a time when people weren’t reachable at all hours of the day, every day. Being constantly available is a new phenomenon, even if it quickly became the norm. If someone called and you weren’t home, they left a message, or just tried you again later. Letters or cards didn’t get to their recipient for days. I side-eye my phone with dread; if I open it now, there will be unread messages that need my attention, lest someone be worried, or even upset with me.

The expectation of constant availability is exhausting.

We’ve tricked ourselves into thinking we have to respond right away, but… do we? Most texts, emails, and DMs can wait. And let’s be honest—half of them don’t even require a response. The upside of not being as reachable? When you’re actually with people, you’re present with them.

There’s something beautiful about being unreachable. The best moments in life happen when you’re fully present—not when you’re responding to notifications.

commonly used excuses

1. I use social media to catch up with people! I’m lonely, but this way, I can still see what people are up to. The time and energy you spend scrolling through people’s lives that you don’t even really know could be better used for going to a MeetUp event, striking up small talk with a barista, or having coffee with a new person you met on Bumble BFF. You can also still check social media to see what people are up to, just don’t spend hours scrolling through stranger’s photos.

2. I learn so much online. You can still learn online from social media, but instead of having endless time to learn meaningless things, like where someone bought their straws, you can learn with a purpose. Also, you can utilize YouTube video essays, Substack, reliable news sources, Kahn Academy, and other places to learn.

3. What if there’s an emergency? Solution: set your phone DnD settings to allow calls from certain people always (your boss, your spouse, your kids, your babysitter, etc), and if someone calls twice, it will go through. Also, I give people close to me my husband’s and best friend’s number, so that if I don’t answer, there’s still a way to get through to me.

4. But what if I get bored? I hope you do get bored.

a few resources:

• Screen time limits on your phone.

• The Opal app - this is a free app (although it will try to trick you into getting a membership) that sets limits on your apps and screentime. It’s a little harder to override that the regular screen time limits built into your phone.

• The Netflix documentary, The Social Dilemma.

• The Forest app - this one does cost $2 or something to download, but it gamifies your screen time goals. Which maybe is counterintuitive a bit, but hey. baby steps.

• Do!! Not!! Disturb!! You can set up so many different options on an iPhone, and I’m sure others. I have mine on an automated schedule.

ways to ween off

A lot of people posting about going off social media are making the plunge to stop being online/on social media completely. While this is great, and I’m definitely jealous of their self-control, I don’t know if going off completely is totally doable. For me, I have a burlesque account and an author account on Instagram, and I want to continue having that landing page for those endeavors updated. I have been hosting book signings, and also want to network with other people in the burlesque community, and social media is helpful for this. Further, there are people that I don’t text or call, or people whose numbers I don’t know, but I still want to be able to contact them.

Also, I like posting! I like sharing my beautiful wedding photos, pictures of my monthly scrapbook pages, or photos I have taken of everyday treasures. I like sharing content, and I think that’s okay. I also like consuming content! I have a handful of creators that I really like, and I genuinely enjoy their videos. This isn’t a go big or go home situation.

Social media isn’t bad when we use it with moderation.

• Check social media on a browser vs the app, even if the browser is still on your phone. This small added barrier can make a difference!

• Make the switch to longer-form content, like Substack or YouTube - you’re still consuming content, but your brain isn’t being saturated with 10-30 second videos and clips. You get to pick one topic and spend time absorbing that information and meaningfully engaging with it.

• Use screen time limits, as mentioned above. like I said, I like a handful of creators and genuinely feel curious about what they are posting. Now, I use my limited screen time I am allotted to search for my favorite creators and just watch their new uploads. some of my faves are Eli Rallo, ashleeinc (her spooky scary story times are so good), and Tell the Bees.

• Turn on grayscale on your phone. This means that your phone won’t have the same flashy colors that excite your brain, and also reduces the strain on your eyes. you can do this both on an iPhone and an android.

• Rearrange your apps. Put your social media apps in a special folder so you can’t mindlessly click on it as easily. I used to have my message app on the bottom of my screen, readily available, but I switched it out with Substack, Libby, Spotify, and Finch. (I love Finch.)

offline ideas:

• Write letters. At the beginning of the year, I treated myself to personalized stationery. My “from the desk of Samantha Nagel” set came with 24 pages, so I decided to set a goal to send 2 letters a month. You can do this with regular paper, too, of course. I just thought this was fun.

• Send more cards. Getting something in the mail that isn’t a bill or junk mail is so exciting. When I was a kid, any type of mail I got that was just for me was always fun. Now, it’s almost always an invitation to apply for a credit card that I don’t want or need. Send cards for someone’s birthday, an anniversary, when someone gets a new job or engaged or a new puppy, or, my favorite: just because. You can even make your own cards if you don’t want to spend as much money!

• Write your to-do list on paper, instead of in your Notes app. Ditto your grocery lists.

• Go to a café alone and don’t wear headphones. Why do you need to block out the noise of people talking and laughing and existing?

• Or, go to a café with someone and put your phone away.

• Create a commonplace book.

• Leave your phone at home sometimes. I always take my phone with me if I’m driving, especially alone. But, if my husband or a friend is driving and they have their phone for emergencies, I will leave mine. Go on a walk without listening to a podcast, and listen to the birds chirping. Or, God forbid, smile an a neighbor and say, “Good morning.”

• Just leave your phone in the other room. Unless you are actually expecting a call, or have a job where you are on call, it is a myth, a new one at that, that we need to be constantly reachable. The pharmacy or your friend or the telemarketer can wait an hour for you to call/text them back.

• Start a hobby! Have you always wanted to read more, or learn to ski, or get into hiking, or check out the painting class in your part of town? Well, now is the time to start!

• Don’t always rely on your GPS. If you’re in no rush, allow yourself the unimaginable horror of taking a wrong turn and getting to your destination 3 minutes later than expected. Plus, you’ll always need your GPS if you always use it. Let your brain work a little.

• Do a puzzle. I’m a puzzle person now. Can you believe it?

• Print photos instead of just posting them. Print two copies of one of you and your best friend or mom. Give them the extra copy. Tape yours in your journal, work on a scrapbook at the end of every month, or stick them on your fridge.

• Read magazines. There’s nothing more sweetly nostalgic than picking up a magazine and lounging on the couch with a cup of coffee or tea. I really like Cordella and Bella Grace.

• Resist the urge to check your phone whenever you’re paused. You can be bored waiting in line or at a red light. And, if you must, bring a book or magazine to an appointment or to the restaurant to read while you’re waiting.

• Use an alarm clock. That way, you don’t need to sleep with your phone next to you.

• Call someone instead of text. This isn’t totally “plugged out,” but imagine the good old days of calling your friends. If you really want to chat with someone, call them. You’ll probably have a more valuable conversation, anyway.

Note: you don’t have to spend money - in fact, spending less time on your phone will probably reduce your spending. You won’t be able to reach for your phone to purchase something mindlessly, and you won’t be inundated with sponsored posts and sneaky advertisements on TikTok. Opal is a free app, you don’t need to lock your phone in a safe (unless you really do), you don’t need to purchase a record player (unless you want to), etc etc. You can live a beautiful, offline life that doesn’t require purchases.

Other creators talking about this (to list just a few)

the joy of missing out

The person I've become since I left social media

breaking up with the internet