Thank you for writing this, it’s sad when you realize that those who give the best support during grief are unfortunately those who have likely experienced it too. Grief is deeply personal and universal at the same time, which is such a strange realization once you experience it for yourself. Hoping you’ve found some peace with your loss. 💙
I will always remember the people who came out of the woodwork to support me, just sitting on the couch beside me, going out to meals with me even though I went to the bathroom to sob multiple times, a friend in another state door dashing me a morning coffee, calling on the phone and just listening. My best friend passed right before Halloween, and one of my friends simply texted me descriptions of all the cute trick-or-treaters costumes she saw because she knew how much I loved Halloween.
My only addition would be if you’re thinking of the person at all, just reach out. It’s better to say something from your heart than nothing at all (but I really appreciate your “things to avoid saying” portion—“everything happens for a reason” still makes me bristle. Oh and “I know how you feel” rubbed me the wrong way too.). Acknowledging that it sucks without an immediate “solution” is allowed. Calling a spade a spade without platitudes is okay. Offer love, send a voice note if you can’t call, and just show up. 💛
thank you so much for sharing. it’s also sad to realize those who don’t support us well aren’t doing it to be malicious. and really, i was weirdly happy they weren’t better because it meant they hadn’t gone through the same loss…
i lost two friends who just couldn’t show up for my grief, and while i understand it, that loss felt actually unbearable. i had to grieve my abusive parent and then the loss of two best friends i thought were my family, who i had shown up for repeatedly. it was honestly devastating.
i love your addition!! yes. reaching out with no expectation that they’ll respond, but not stopping showing up or taking their lack of response as personal. i appreciated the people who just kept sending things. not in an overwhelming way, but as a reminder that they saw me
Thank you for writing this, it’s sad when you realize that those who give the best support during grief are unfortunately those who have likely experienced it too. Grief is deeply personal and universal at the same time, which is such a strange realization once you experience it for yourself. Hoping you’ve found some peace with your loss. 💙
I will always remember the people who came out of the woodwork to support me, just sitting on the couch beside me, going out to meals with me even though I went to the bathroom to sob multiple times, a friend in another state door dashing me a morning coffee, calling on the phone and just listening. My best friend passed right before Halloween, and one of my friends simply texted me descriptions of all the cute trick-or-treaters costumes she saw because she knew how much I loved Halloween.
My only addition would be if you’re thinking of the person at all, just reach out. It’s better to say something from your heart than nothing at all (but I really appreciate your “things to avoid saying” portion—“everything happens for a reason” still makes me bristle. Oh and “I know how you feel” rubbed me the wrong way too.). Acknowledging that it sucks without an immediate “solution” is allowed. Calling a spade a spade without platitudes is okay. Offer love, send a voice note if you can’t call, and just show up. 💛
thank you so much for sharing. it’s also sad to realize those who don’t support us well aren’t doing it to be malicious. and really, i was weirdly happy they weren’t better because it meant they hadn’t gone through the same loss…
i lost two friends who just couldn’t show up for my grief, and while i understand it, that loss felt actually unbearable. i had to grieve my abusive parent and then the loss of two best friends i thought were my family, who i had shown up for repeatedly. it was honestly devastating.
i love your addition!! yes. reaching out with no expectation that they’ll respond, but not stopping showing up or taking their lack of response as personal. i appreciated the people who just kept sending things. not in an overwhelming way, but as a reminder that they saw me